Loved and Lost
by MEGAMANX411
Summary: Zero comes to terms with killing Iris, and deals with his own inner demons. This is a story about what could have happened after Mega Man X4. Rated T for violence, some language, and dramatic scenes.
1. Guilt Trip

**Disclaimer**: Before even going into the story at all, I have to get this out of the way: I really liked writing _Search for a Soul_. It was unarguably my favorite story that I've written, and I like making stories like that. I've been trying to cook up another good idea like that, and I think I may have finally come up with a pretty good solid one. After dealing heavily with X's pacifistic nature and ultimately, his ability to overcome it, I got to thinking about another character: the ever-popular Zero. I am more of an X fan, but I am obviously familiar with Zero's character, and the events of X4 particularly stick with me. This fiction will revolve around what "could have happened" after Iris' death in X4, and how even the hard-edged Zero is affected by it. All of the characters in this story are NOT of my own creation, they belong to Capcom.

**Loved and Lost  
**Chapter 1  
_"Guilt Trip"_  
By MEGAMANX411

Time never stops for anything. It passes on and continues, almost mercilessly and relentlessly, like some sort of possessed monster. For some, the passage of time can be a great thing; granting things like increased maturity, new events, and it can even heal some wounds. For others, it can serve as a painful reminder of things that were lost, things that can never be brought back, and how powerless we all are. For the Maverick Hunter Zero, time is more like the latter.

There was no questioning the fact that he had dearly loved the Reploid girl named Iris. She was a sweet, cute, brown-haired beauty that really made his spirit glow. But unfortunately, his time with her was cut short. No matter how many good memories he could stir up, he ultimately had to come to terms with the fact that she was dead. Forever gone. It wasn't like when he destroyed himself to defeat Vile either, not at all. If Zero still had access to her parts, he could easily rebuild her. However, her body was completely destroyed, along with the rest of the weapon that Sigma was piloting.

Zero had to face the truth. It was completely and entirely his fault that this had happened. He had killed her brother, caused her to fall to vengeance, killed her, and even after that, left her body there, meaning that any chance of bringing her back was nullified. Of course, considering the question of how she'd be when revived, it may have been for the better. But for some reason, the supposedly hard-edged hunter Zero was still feeling pain. Time had passed since that tragedy…but no matter what, that tinge of guilt remained in Zero's mind.

"I killed her…" Zero whispered to himself, still asleep in his room.

In Zero's mind were horrific images of a bloodstained battle. He saw Iris, cowering in fear in a corner. And then he saw another figure. A figure clad in red, with a bloodlust to match his insane visage. There was a howling, almost sadistic laughter as the figure proceeded to have his way with Iris. Zero screamed in his sleep. He had to stop this, even if it was a dream.

"No…stop…leave her alone…please…Iris!" Zero screamed, writhing in his bed.

The dream played on, tormenting Zero. He was just a spectator in this horrible event. Or at least that's what he thought. The figure smirked and giggled with an almost demonic glee as he ripped the girl apart, in what Zero could describe as the most awful thing he had ever seen. That's when it hit him.

"That's…me…."

Zero instantly woke up with sweat all over. It was just another dream. But for some reason, they kept happening. The wave of guilt refused to leave. He wasn't as emotionally keen as X, and in his mind, he was practically devoid of emotion—especially since after _she_ died. Zero shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

"Why can't I forget the past? It's pointless. I can't change anything no matter what I think or try…I just want to be rid of this…" Zero muttered.

Theoretically, Zero could get rid of the memories with relative ease. If he had the memories of Iris completely wiped, none of this would be a problem…supposedly. But he could never go through with it. Every time he was presented with the option, Zero turned it down. Maybe he found abandoning Iris' memory too difficult, or maybe he found some sort of happiness in remembering her…but it was clear that these memories brought some downsides as well.

Zero looked back up, sighed, and brushed away his flowing blonde hair. He looked out a nearby window to see the full moon outside. Slowly, he got out of bed, wearing only his standard under clothing. He glanced over at his red armor, shook his head once more, and looked back outside.

"Iris…maybe if Reploids do have a soul, then you're in a better place. Who knows, maybe you're off in the afterlife, enjoying things you couldn't have in this life. As for me, I suppose I'll end up in an entirely different place. No matter how many Mavericks I've hunted, it doesn't matter—I'll have to pay for my sins eventually. I don't think anyone can ever forgive me for what I've done…" Zero whispered, his eyes full of remorse.

Zero took a moment to look back around his room. Almost everything in there reminded him of her. Not just pictures, but everything indicated to him that she was once there. And that she would always be there. One part of Zero wished that he could just be alone, and that he would never have to worry about anything as trivial as love. But the other part of him wanted to hold her memory more dearly than anything else.


	2. The Curse

**Loved and Lost**  
Chapter 2  
_"The Curse"_  
By MegaManX411

By the time Zero had finally managed to get the horrifying dreams to leave him alone, morning had already come. Zero sat up in bed, staring outside his window. His shirt hung loosely off his body, exposing his muscular chest. His blonde hair flowed gracefully all around his body, painting a picture of what seemed to be perfection. But Zero's eyes shone with a certain sadness that seemed to throw the rest of the image off. His eyes didn't seem to have that same fiery determination or aggressiveness.

Zero just stared outside lazily, almost in a trance. After a few moments had passed, he shifted to the side of the bed, stretched, and got up. For some reason, he felt like he was lacking the motivation to even start another day. What was the point? Normally he'd already be suited up and ready for another mission, eager to do his best. But this particular day he moved at a slower pace, losing himself in thought during every step of the way. Once Zero was finally ready, X had already come knocking to his door.

"Zero? Are you in there? What's taking you so long?" asked the blue hunter.

"Nothing. I'm coming," Zero responded coolly.

Zero opened the door to see X's worried visage. Zero almost couldn't say anything for a moment. Even though he had mocked X sometimes for being emotional, he had to say that he felt some kind of envy too. X was so open with his feelings, and he was able to express himself on a deep level. Zero, on the other hand, kept everything bottled up inside so it wouldn't interfere with his line of work. Even his love affair with Iris was relatively low-key, especially in comparison to many human relationships. But now that she was gone, he felt like he had to do something or he'd simply burst. He just had no idea what.

"Zero?" X asked, breaking Zero's train of thought. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Zero quickly shook his head to break free from his thoughts. Reason started to sink back in, and he quickly concluded that he must have just been feeling under the weather. That had to be it, or so at least Zero hoped.

"Yeah, I'm just fine. What's up X?" Zero asked, trying to redirect the conversation.

"Well, there has been word of a new navigator arriving at Maverick Hunter HQ…her name is Alia. She does seem very nice. I've already gone down and greeted her. Maybe you should go and make her feel welcome too Zero," offered X, looking more cheerful now.

Zero grimaced in amusement at how carefree X could be, and shrugged his shoulders.

"Sure, why not?" replied the crimson hunter.

Zero walked alongside X throughout Hunter HQ, trying to regain his composure. He prided himself on being extremely focused and dedicated, so he wasn't about to give that up now. After running it through his mind, Zero felt that the logical thing to do is just go on with the day and find a task to achieve. If there's a mission to do, that's the top priority—nothing else matters. Just as Zero was finishing his train of thought, X motioned for him to stop.

"Hello Alia! I thought I'd introduce you to Zero, my good friend. I'm sure you've already read about him in your transfer report," stated X, calmly.

Alia bowed in a professional manner, and gave Zero an appropriate smile. It seemed like she was a dedicated worker no matter the task, even if it was just a greeting. Zero grinned back and nodded in response.

"Hey. You've probably already been informed of your job here, and my job here, so everything should be ok. I'm looking forward to working with you," said Zero.

With that, Alia walked off to her designated work area and was given data to input into her personal terminal. She began typing at a furious rate, putting in information faster than X or Zero had ever seen. X looked over at Zero with a childish smile.

"Wow, she sure works fast!" X exclaimed.

"It'd be better if we had something to do. Our job doesn't require us standing around," Zero replied, looking a little tense. "I think I'll head down to the training room to check my ranking. See you around X."

"Yeah, see you later," answered X.

Zero slowly turned towards the training room and entered. He was the only one in the room, so luckily for him, that meant he had the opportunity to try any training program he wanted without being annoyed. He strolled over to the control panel and inputted his Hunter identification and his user settings. He set the training difficulty to the highest level. At that instant, the lights in the room faded away, leaving only the dim neon glow in the floors. Zero breathed deeply and closed his eyes. In the next instant, there was a loud buzzing sound, and Zero opened his eyes, saber in hand.

The enemy before him was "Training Level Rank S", a hologram of a mechaniloid with the capability of physical damage. The training system prohibited any fatal blows to be made, however, the enemy was still tough. The main reason for that was it assumed different forms for each battle based on past fighting data of defeated Mavericks. The one that appeared before Zero looked a bit like Vile, only with darker features and a more shadowy appearance.

The training system wasted no time in making Zero work for his victory. The Vile-clone shot a triple burst of plasma energy from his shoulder cannon. Zero quickly used his saber to deflect the first blast, and used his speed to dodge the following two shots. However, the Vile-clone quickly followed up on his attack with a dashing tackle. Zero tried to sidestep the maneuver, but was clipped from the side, making him spin out and fall to the ground. The Vile-clone tripped from his assault, but quickly regained footing and tried to slam Zero against the ground with a stomp.

Zero rolled out of the way, readied his saber, and slashed the Vile-clone clear across the right leg. The clone staggered, hobbled a bit because of the damage to its right leg, but shifted its footing more to the left to keep balance. Zero hopped back on his feet with an agile flip, and rushed at the training program with all his might, saber ready. The Vile-clone quickly fell to the side, avoiding Zero's rush, and shot him at point-blank range with his shoulder cannon. The resulting force knocked Zero clear off his feet, but he managed to regain control before hitting the ground. In one swift move, Zero flipped himself back right side up, and dashed at the foe again.

This time, the enemy was not able to dodge Zero's attack so easily. When the clone attempted to move out of the way again, Zero guessed where he would go and aimed his slash accordingly. The training simulation was struck across the chest in one violent stroke. It fell to the ground, but as it did so, grabbed Zero by heel and dragged him down too. As Zero smacked the floor face-first, the Vile-clone blasted him with a dose of his stun gun. Zero was held in place by a wave of binding energy. He gritted his teeth and struggled against the force. But that's when something disturbing happened.

The Vile-clone reached up and removed his helmet. The face under it was very familiar to Zero.

"N-No…that's impossible….who's messing with the goddamn machine? What kind of prank is this?" Zero yelled, looking around the room.

In the next instant, the lights in the training room flashed, and the hologram program ran a background simulation. The room was changed to look like the interior of a space station. More accurately, the Final Weapon that Zero knew all too well. Zero struggled against the force that was binding him, realizing that something was horribly wrong here. Zero looked back over to where the clone was standing only to realize that it was gone. In its place was a heap of blood and circuits on the floor.

"Zero. You killed me. Now you will feel suffering beyond anything you could ever know," announced a voice.

A flash of bright light filled the room. Zero clutched his helmet, screaming in agony. When he awoke, the room returned to normal and the nearby computer screen read: "TRAINING LEVEL COMPLETE!". Zero slowly got off the floor, more scared than he ever had been before.


	3. Road to Recovery?

**Loved and Lost**  
Chapter 3  
"Road to Recovery?"  
By MEGAMANX411

Zero shook his head in disbelief. There was no way this could be happening. There just wasn't a rational explanation for it at all. He looked around the training room with a cautious gaze. Nothing appeared to be out of order. Whatever had happened must have been some sort of twisted prank from someone…but the thing was, no one else at Hunter HQ knew about all that. No one besides X, that is.

"Could X…?" Zero thought aloud. "No. There's no way he'd do that…"

Zero removed his helmet and scratched his head. It just wasn't logical at all. Could he have imagined it, like when he dreamed about Dr. Wily? But this didn't seem like a dream at all. It felt too _real_. Someone had to be pulling something here, and Zero didn't like it at all. If he found out someone was trying to mess with him, there'd be hell to pay. Zero sighed angrily and stormed off, trying to figure out what really could have happened. Before he got too far off though, X intercepted him.

"Zero!" X called out. "Are you ok? I heard some screaming from the training room."

"Did you see anyone mess with the training A.I.?" Zero questioned, almost instantly.

X looked a little thrown off from the question. He didn't see anyone go around the base, and there certainly wasn't an intruder—the alarm would've sounded if that were the case. As far as X knew, Zero was the only person even relatively close to the training center. Besides, only a licensed Hunter or Navigator/Programmer could even change the settings.

"No, not that I know of," X answered. "Did something go wrong?"

Zero shook his head and massaged his forehead. It looked like he was having a terrible headache.

"I just saw something in there I didn't want to see. I think there might be something wrong with me…" Zero responded, his voice trailing off.

X gave Zero a confused look. He had never seen him so confused or hurt. Zero had always been tough and confident, so this sudden display of weakness was really unnerving. Whatever happened in the training room must have really gotten to him.

"Hey Zero, do you want to go out and get a drink with me or something? You don't look well," X offered, giving his friend a concerned gaze.

Zero shook his head slowly. X's idea sounded good. Maybe relaxing would put him at ease. Zero reasoned that maybe he was just working himself too hard; the stress was getting to him. That had to be it; it was all just a bizarre series of coincidences. Worse things have happened in the past, so he knew he could get through it.

"Yeah, I think I'll join you. Maybe it'll help clear my head," Zero answered. "What about Alia though?"

"She told me she's busy at the moment. Commander Signas is new too, so he's working closely with Alia to get all the Maverick Hunter computer systems up to date and updating records. We'll have lots of free time while they're working," X responded, looking a little more cheerful now.

With that, X and Zero decided to step out of Maverick Hunter HQ for a well-deserved break. Before heading out, they removed their fighting gear and got into some casual clothing. Zero put on a nice white button shirt and some casual khaki pants. Even when he was relaxing Zero always made an effort to look his best. X, on the other hand, just slipped into a blue t-shirt and some jeans. They headed out to a new bar in the area that was only a few blocks from Hunter HQ.

The building was clean and looked really fashionable. Zero recognized a few of his off-duty co-workers there, as well as dozens of fan-girls who enjoyed mobbing him on a pretty regular basis. Slowly, he started to forget about the weird happenings that were going on and instead starting thinking that he was going to have a good time. Zero motioned to X to follow him, and they grabbed seats at the bar. Zero turned to his buddy X.

"Thanks for heading out with me X, this is a nice place," Zero stated casually.

"Yeah, I thought you'd like it. I noticed they finished building it a few days ago, and I remembered you haven't gone out in awhile. A lot of girls kept telling me that they missed you," X answered, chuckling.

Zero smiled in response. He looked around the bar. A few tables down there were some girls looking at him, waving. Zero smiled and waved back, flashing his typical charm. He actually forgot about Iris for a minute and just was concerned about having a good time. X noticed this and smiled. He was happy to see his friend not moping around all the time, he wanted him to be his usual self. Zero looked back at X and gave him an arrogant smirk.

"Take some notes X," said Zero, rising from his seat.

Zero walked over to the table he waved at earlier. His appearance was, in short, just about perfect. His clothes were stylish, his hair was great, and he had beautiful eyes and a lady-killer smile. He took a nearby empty chair and sat down by them. There were three girls at the table, all Reploids. There were some human girls at the next table that were eyeing him too though.

"So how are you girls doing on this fine evening?" Zero asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Good…" one of the girls said shyly, blushing in response.

"What are your names?" Zero asked, his charm showing its full power.

"I'm Lilith," answered the first girl. She had light skin, short blue hair, hazel eyes, pierced ears, and was wearing a black t-shirt (with a popular clothing company logo design on the front), and some Capri pants.

"My name's Ayame," answered the girl next to Lilith. She had long, shoulder-length black hair with deep blue eyes. She was wearing a green sweater and some jeans.

"I-I'm Katsumi," responded the third girl. She had brown hair and brown eyes, pierced ears, and was wearing a striped shirt with black jeans.

All three of the girls were very cute, and obviously knew about Zero. Maverick Hunters were practically celebrities, with Zero being prime among them. While Zero was having some idle chitchat with the three girls, X just smiled at him and was sipping at his drink. He'd accomplished his goal. Zero asked the girls about how they were doing, if they liked the bar, etc. They didn't ask him too much back because they all seemed pretty shy, but were clearly pleased that he was talking to them.

Just then, a waitress went up to the table Zero was at. Zero noticed her coming, and decided to order for the girls in one fell swoop.

"Hey there, we'll have…" Zero started, stopping once he saw the waitress.

She looked EXACTLY like Iris. Zero's jaw hung open for a minute. There was an awkward silence. In the back of Zero's head, he could hear Iris' voice. She didn't sound pleased.

_Having fun cheating on me Zero?_ whispered a voice in his head.

Zero swore he heard Iris in his head. Everything stayed quiet for a little bit, and everyone there seemed a little confused. After a few moments of tension, Zero reasoned that this girl only looked like her…it wasn't another weird mind trick. There was no way Iris was speaking to him. It was probably jsut his conscious reprimanding him for being back on the prowl. He sighed lightly and smiled again. That's one victory for logic!

"You all right?" asked the waitress.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You just reminded me of someone I knew, that's all. Anyway, could you bring these cute girls some drinks? It's on me," Zero answered slyly.

With that out of the way, Zero went on to enjoy Lilith's, Ayame's, and Katsumi's company for about another hour or so. He told the girls he'd see them again, but they each insisted on giving him their numbers anyway. He smiled and accepted them. X, in the meantime, chatted it up with some co-workers. He rejoined Zero once again.

"You had this planned out, didn't you?" Zero asked.

"Maybe," X answered, giving Zero a sly look. "The girls are nice though, aren't they? They're applicants for the upcoming computer assistants at Maverick Hunter HQ, and I remembered that they told me they really wanted to meet you. Who knows, you might see them hanging around work sometime!"

"I had a feeling you were going to do something like this," Zero responded, patting his friend on the back. "Thanks X. This really made me feel better."

That night Zero caught up on some quick briefings from work, and after another short (but thankfully normal) training session, he was ready to hit the sack. He slipped into his bed attire once more, got into bed, floating off into his own dream world. Little did he know what was waiting for him there.


End file.
